Mudd's Women

Episode 6: Mudd’s Women

Netflix Summary: “Kirk and the crew rescue Harry Mudd and three “mail-order brides” from his matchmaking service. Mudd tries to stop Kirk from bringing him to justice” (Accuracy Rating: Pretty much 10/10)

Hold onto your hats, kids! This one is a doozey.

The Enterprise is chasing an unidentified ship that’s pushing it’s engines too hard! (…that’s what she said?) The ship loses its engines in an ASTEROID FIELD! Too bad we don’t have some kind of thing that could TRANSPORT them from their ship onto the Enterprise… oh, wait. We do. Let’s use that. After the opening credits.

…We’re back, and beam aboard a…pirate? Whoever he is, he’s got a KICKIN moustache! I’m serious, it’s flipping awesome.  Scotty, Spock, and Bones are all chillin in the transporter room waiting for the The Stache’s crew to come over. McCoy makes a snarky comment about the transporter, remains awesome while doing so. Stache’s crew is… three ladies?? Scotty and Bones are totally macking on them. Frankly, it’s a little uncomfortable, like at the junior high dance where everybody just looks at each other across the room.

I just have to take a minute to point out that the ladies look like Oompa-Loompa covered in sequins. They even have Snooki-level Doritos tans. Frankly, it’s awkward. Jim doesn’t seem to think so- he thinks they’re pretty smoking. Apparently they are Pirate Handlebar’s “cargo”… way to further women’s rights, Star Trek! (…j/k, I TOTALLY love you.)

Jim finds Captain Stache amusing… sort of. On the bridge, Scotty and Spock talk about how royally screwed they are since their dilithium crystals are totally burnt out (that’s what she said AGAIN!). LaStache and his lovelies act creepy and hint that there’s something unusual going on.

The Dream Team decides to head for Rigel 12 to get some more crystals- it’ll take TWO DAYS! Kirky holds a hearing for Mr. Stachio. Turns out his name is Mudd (yarly) and he’s a creepy repeat offender… yaaaay………  Also, he doesn’t have a license. Not even a learner’s permit. Turns out he is “finding wives” for miners. That’s miners, not minOrs. That would be so awkward.

Spock is awfully smirky this episode. It's so magical.

THE LAST LITHIUM CRYSTAL IS GONE! AAAAAAAAACK

Mudd is planning to take over the ship with his best Snidely Whiplash impersonation. It’s not very effective.

One of the lllllladies goes to visit Bones in sick bay (HANDS OFF, TRAMP!). When she goes by the scanner that is off, it beeps! What could it MEAN??

The pink lady finds herself in Kirk’s quarters! He is not pleased about this. Personally, I think it’s an act. She totally hits on him. She’s not even that pretty. Suddenly, she freaks out and leaves!

Purpley, Greeney, and Mudd plot, and Pinky comes in but doesn’t feel so well.

Jim has had enough with all his boys being googly eyed over girls!! Bones and Kirk awkwardly try to figure out what’s wrong with the llllladies while Spock looks on, amused. THIS is why the show is great, if you were wondering.

Mudd got ahold of a communicator and is talking to the miners on Rigel 12! Oh noes what will haAAACK THE LADIES ARE HORRIBLE LOOKING HAGS ALL OF A SUDDEN! Ew ew ew! It’s like Mrs. Crazy from episode 1 all over again! Mudd is looking for pills- he finds them, they take them, and they are pretty again. Pinky doesn’t want to take hers but she does (you know, peer pressure and all).

The miners come to see Kirk and say they’ll swap the crystals for Mudd’s Women (see what I did there? It’s the title of the episode! Clever, clever me.). Also they want Mudd’s charges dropped. Kirk says no deal. Literally. Mudd comes in with the llllladies and puts Kirk in a corner. I’ve heard nobody does that.

Kirk and Spock beam to the planet with Mudd. One of the miners says you can get lost in a dust storm if you’re not carefORESHADOWING FORESHADOWING ALERT ALERT

With Pinky being all emo, the three miners fight for the other two lllladies. Pinky runs out into a DUST STORM! Bad idea- she’s wearing REALLY impractical shoes. Seriously, they’re just strappy sandals. Jim and Spock beam back to the ship to find her. Kirk snaps at Scotty, but he apologizes immediately, because he’s classy that way.

Apparently one of the miners went after Pinky and he takes her back to his place. Then he falls asleep. Those dust storms, they are exhausting!

The ship is losing power! They find miner’s house and Kirk decides to beam down with Mudd.

Can I just take a minute to say that my mom used to say, “If you [do that thing you’re not supposed to do/mess up our nice things], your name is MUD!” and that’s all I can think about this episode.

...Back on the planet, Pinky’s making dinner for Miner man. They are terribly domestic, and she is suddenly less pretty than she was before. He notices, the scumbag. Jim and Mudd arrive, and Jim makes Mudd spill the truth about THE VENUS DRUG. Miner’s all mad because his partners married ugly ladies. Seems a bit harsh to me. Pinky calls him out and takes the Venus Drug! She instantly becomes hot again! Jim has a smug look on his face… wait… what… what is going on… She didn’t take a drug! It was just a Jelly Baby! Apparently believing in yourself turns you into a supermodel. Frankly, I’m calling shenanigans on this whole thing.

Jim wants his flipping crystals and he wants them now! Miner Man complies. Mudd asks to be left behind and Jim says he’ll be a character witness in his trial… LOLZ

Jim, Bones, and Spock have some bestie banter on the bridge. It is literally the best part of the show.