The Conscience of the King

Episode 13: The Conscience of the King

Netflix Summary: “Kodos, a fugitive mass-murderer, is a 23^rd century Shakespearean actor. When a friend is murdered, Kirk asks a Shakespearean troupe to investigate.” (Accuracy rating: -3/10. It was a 0/10 for giving away the whole mystery in the first sentence, minus an extra 3 for that second sentence not even being real. What happened, Netflix? You were doing so well!)

Kirk is at the theater with an old buddy or something. Old Buddy is really suspicious of Macbeth. He’s certain that it’s KODOS THE EXECUTIONER!

Apparently Old Buddy called Jim THREE LIGHT YEARS off his course to make this little accusation. Jim’s upset, but not really, it is his Old Buddy! Also, Jim thinks Kodos is dead. Old Buddy’s not so sure. We get a full history lesson about how Kodos killed a bunch of people, hence “the Executioner”.

Did I mention that Old Buddy has a half face patch? He does. Not a lot of people could pull of a patch on a whole side of their face, but Old Buddy is totally rockin it.

Apparently only 9 people in all the universe saw Kodos and lived! Conveniently, Jim and Old Buddy are two of those 9 people. Also, Old Buddy is having the whole acting troupe over for a cocktail party so he can be all snoopy. Jim’s not sticking around, he has to go back to the ship and look contemplative while he researches that actor man. Turns out Actor Man didn’t exist before Kodos disappeared 20 years ago! That’s enough for Jim, he’s headed back down for a party! Woohoo!

At the party, a foxy blonde lady comes in and, shock of all shocks, gets a little one-on-one flirting time with James T. Charmington. She’s the daughter of Actor Man, who NEVER appears in public. She says they’re leaving on the Astro Queen the next day (don’t worry, that’s important). Jim just pours on the charm like it’s going out of style. He and Blondie go for a walk, where they find Old Buddy DEAD!! Now he is really super extra suspicious.

Jim makes a call to the Astro Queen (on scramble, of course!). Conveniently, their captain owes Jim a bazillion favors, so Jim tells him not to pick up the actors. Blondie shows up on the Enterprise wearing the single most ridiculous outfit I have ever seen. Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture:

 Spock is confused by how Jim knew she was coming on board.

Blondie begs Jim to take the acting troupe to their next place. Teehee, Jim is so sneaky. She says they’ll give a special performance if they can hitch a ride. Spock is totally confused by Jim’s crazy human behavior and apparent omniscience. He says so with ONE EYEBROW.

Personal Log: 15 minutes in and no Bones in sight. I’m beginning to worry.

Jim finds out that of the 9 people who can identify Kodos, only two are alive! One is Jim, one is Reilly (you remember him, he made a big fuss back when everyone went crazy in The Naked Time. Uh, that didn’t sound right. Just go back and review. Please. Ok. um, bye.). Jim tells Spock to transfer Reilly back down to engineering where he came from.

And BONES ARRIVES! Oh thank heavens, the talent is finally here!

Spock asks if he’s noticed Jim acting strangely. Bones says no and he thinks Jim brought the lady on board because he likes her. Basically, what happens is Bones is awesome and Spock is totally agitated. Also, McCoy’s accent is so magnificent in this scene. It’s like the sound of melted butter on velvet.

I’m going to just straight up fast forward through this next part where Jim and Blondie go for a walk in the ship together. Blech.

Jim tries to cajole some information about Actor Kodos Man from Blondie but it totally doesn’t work. He says something really sweet about women staying women even when they’re on a ship. Yeah, you would know, Kirky!

Back on the bridge, Spock is still confused. He has the computer figure out what’s going on. Then he goes to talk to the TALENT again! I LOVE YOU MCCOY I TOTALLY DO. Spock explains to Bones all about what Kodos did. Spock found out that every eye witness except for Jim and Reilly has died, and wherever the others died, the acting troupe was nearby!

Personal Log: There is so much Spock/McCoy BFFL time in this episode and it’s just making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside like I have a whole flock of tribbles in my tummy!

Reilly calls up to the rec room from the engineering room and asks for some entertainment. He asks Ahura to sing him a song. I don’t want to listen to it, so I’m going to just tell you that somebody poisons Reilly’s milk while he’s all listening to Ahura’s singing. Yes, I said milk. Captain Kirk cares about the calcium intake of his crew, apparently. Probably McCoy’s idea... he has great ideas…

Speaking of Bones, Reilly’s poisoning means we get to go to sick bay! Yay! …I mean, oh, that’s so horrible... but hey, Bones! How are you! I missed you! I love you! Hi! Hello! Hug me!

Ahem. Spock tells McCoy that he HAS to save Reilly because if he doesn’t, Jim will be the next target! If I was Reilly, that might make me a little frustrated. I mean, come on, Spock. “Hey, Doctor, keep this kid alive so the murderer will keep going after him and leave Jim alone.” Really?

Brief Captain’s log, and…. MORE SPOCK AND MCCOY TIME!! WOOHOO! This whole episode is like a Spock &McCoy party! Love it love it love it. They are the best of best friends of any show of all time, ever.

Also, Bones found the poison! Spock is so pushy and makes Bones take his report to Jim right away. BFFL trio reunion, woohoo! Spock confronts Jim about the Kodos thing. Jim is so defensive! Bones and Spock are actually on the same side- that tends to happen when James Tiberius Kirk is in danger. Spock is certain that Actor Man is Kodos. Jim is not sure.

Bones leaves but Spock and Jim are still talking when suddenly they hear a noise and OH SNAP IT IS A PHASER ON OVERLOAD IT WILL EXPLODE THE WHOLE SIDE OF THE SHIP JIM HAS TO SAVE SPOCK AND TRY TO FIND IT HE TOTALLY DOES AND THROWS IT OUT THE GARBAGE CHUTE OH MY STARS KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was CLOSE, guys! Shoooooo!

Jim goes to pay a visit to Actor Man and he is NOT HAPPY. He asks him straight up “Are you Kodos”? Actor Man is a little tiny bit wackadoo in the brizain if you ask me. Jim gets Actor Man to read a thing into the wall so they’ll know for sure if he’s Kodos. It’s a speech given by Kodos and Actor Man doesn’t even have to read the paper! They exchange some heated words and Actor Man proves that he is, actually, totally and completely wackadoo. Then Blondie walks in and is all hateful to Kirk! Way to eavesdrop on the captain and be a total poo face. That is so uncalled for, missy. You watch it or I’ll get you.

Bones is recording a log in sick bay about Kodos and, conveniently, Reilly hears all about it. Bones, you really need to learn to turn around before you say sensitive information.

…but I still love you.

Meanwhile, in the ship’s THEATER (yeah, really), Blondie is starting the play. In Jim’s quarters, the voice printout isn’t exact, only close. In sickbay, McCoy is going on about how doctors never get to see the first few minutes of a play when he discovers that Reilly is GONE! He tells Jim and security comes in- a phaser is missing! Jim tells security to go after Reilly! That’s right, Jim, send those Red Shirts into danger! What could possibly go wrong?

Jim goes to the theater and finds Reilly. He gets the phaser from him and sends Reilly back to sick bay (don’t be sad, Reilly, Bones will make you some hot chocolate or something).

Backstage, Actor Man is freaking out and Blondie is a freak show. She tells him that she killed the 7 dudes and is going to kill the other 2! Kodos the Actor Man is NOT happy about it! I’m not happy about Blondie going completely nutters. Of course, Jim heard the whole shebang. Blondie goes right on with her little crazyfest and Jim says time to go, Crazies. She wants them to finish the play and when Jim says no, Blondie takes the phaser! She tips right off the crazy cliff and tries to shoot Jim but Actor Man gets in front of him! AAAAAH! He’s dead, Jim! (What? Someone had to say it- Bones is busy making hot chocolate for Reilly!)

Blondie loses what’s left of her crap. Bones confirms this by saying, “Crazy ho lost what was left of her crap”. Something like that. Time to drop off the wackos and ahead warp factor 1! Jim and Bones share a tender BFFL moment that melts what’s left of my heart after all the tummy tribbles and buttery velvet and hot chocolate in this episode. Yay, everything!

THE END

...P.S. Jim is jealous that he wasn't in the BFFL picture.