The Menagerie

Episode 11 & 12: The Menagerie (parts 1 & 2)

Netflix Summary: “Spock abducts the Enterprise’s injured former captain and sets a course for a forbidden planet. Facing a court-marshal, Spock refuses to back down” AND “During Spock’s court-marshal, video images of Capt. Pike’s encounter with the psychic Talosians reveal Spock’s motivation for hijacking the ship.” (Accuracy Rating: 10/10 AGAIN! -1 for having two summaries to explain it all. So 9/10.)

Ok, before people go and call shenanigans for combining two episodes into one, I’m going to straight up tell you that (SPOILER ALERT) this two-parter is LITERALLY just a way for them to air the original pilot, “The Cage”, so that it makes any kind of sense.

Yes, actually, that is what’s going on here. You see, The Cage didn’t fly as a pilot so they got to make another one with Kirk in The Chair, but then they were stuck with this whole episode where Spock is very un-Vulcan and Nurse Chappy is a navigator with dark hair or something and Christopher Pike is the angsty captain of the Enterprise. So, literally, they air the ENTIRE pilot during this two-parter. Frankly, the whole premise is a little weak to me, but, hey, it happened, so we’re going with it.

Scene: Starbase 11. The Golden Trio lands to a suspicious new lady friend who says the commodore wants to know why they are there. Jim says Capt. Pike sent a message to Spock. Too bad Pike was exposed to Delta Rays and turned into a veg! A robot veg with a head! A robot veg in a robot box with one blinking light. He’s like Davros from Doctor Who but without the evil pepper pots.

He can flash a light to say yes or no, but that’s it. Pike kicks everyone out, but Spock gets to stay. Spock wants to take Pike somewhere that’s 6 days away. Pike says no but Spock says he’s going to do it anyway. That Spock, he is SO stubborn.

I’d just like to take a moment to say that I feel so much better about Pike’s fate in the preboot. Thank you, JJ Abrams, for being awesome. That is all.

Kirk tries to defend Spock to Jose (yes, the commodore's name is JOSE) even though there’s no record of the message. Down in the communications center, Spock goes all stealth and sends fake orders to the Enterprise! Then he knocks out Phil Dunphy so he can finish the job by faking Kirk’s voice!

Bones arrives to talk to Jim.  They argue and, shock of all shocks, Leonard McCoy DEFENDS Spock! For a minute there, I thought I was watching the mirrorverse episode.

Then Bones gets called back to the ship for an emergency or something.

Commander Jose gives Jim a file on Talos 4. It is (conveniently) the only forbidden planet anywhere, ever, and if you go there Starfleet makes sure you don’t come back.  Only one Earth ship has ever been there. It was (conveniently) the Enterprise! When Pike (conveniently) was captain! Suddenly, Pike is gone and so is the Enterprise!!!! Everybody panic all at once!

Back on the ship, Spock shows Bones that he’s got Pike on board and gives him a fake message from Kirk. What’s that? A shuttle from the starbase is following them! It’s Jim and the Commodore. They’re out of gas, so Spock has to bring them on board.

Spock tells Mccoy to arrest him for mutiny!

Jim can’t get the computer to listen to him!

All the Red Shirts do a can-can on the bridge!

…ok, that last part isn’t true, but it would be awesome, yes?

Jim’s going to have a hearing but Spock wants a trial immediately since Pike can be command dude #3. Jim has to do it. Spock is going to show video evidence explaining why they’re going to Talos 4. For those of you who left for popcorn in the first five minutes, I’ll give you a hint: the video evidence is THE FIRST PILOT EPISODE. That’s it. That’s the trick. That’s the big, fancy way of airing the episode that got passed over. Not only do Jim, Bones, and Scotty have to watch it, WE all have to watch them watch it. Then we get to watch them react to it. That is ¾ of this two-parter, from now all the way to the end. Yup.

So here’s what happens in THE CAGE:

The Enterprise gets lured to a planet (hint: it’s Talos 4). Captain Pike gets captured by these guys with ENORMOUS heads who talk to each other with their BRAINS. They go in his head and can send him anywhere at all and make it seem totally real! Also there is a blonde chick and Pike is totally mackin on her. Big Brains want Pike and Blondie to breed them a slave race. It’s weird. In the end, Pike gets Big Brains to see that they shouldn’t enslave Earth people because they have a lot of great qualities. The end.

Somewhere in the middle of all that, Starfleet sends a message revealing that Talos 4 is sending the videos! That’s bad for EVERYBODY! Spock says please, my BFFL Jim, watch the rest of the movie! Jim says, “Lock him up so we can have a cliffhanger”.

…Part 1 ends and part 2 starts and the trial goes on and Spock is not locked up anymore. It seems the Talosians care about Pike and want him back (and not as a slave this time). If he stays with them, he won’t have to live forever as a robotbox-vegetableman.

They finally make it to Talos 4 and watch the end of the pilot episode. Jim’s feelin all better about Spock and then GASP the commodore disappears! Turns out he was just an illusion! Also Starbase 11 was watching the pilot episode too, and they say, “Aw that’s so sweet, do whatever u wants Kirk. Also Spock is all fine. We luv u guys”.

Jim has Spock take Pike to the transporter room, but first he says, “Come back and talk to me about your recent tendency toward flagrant emotionalism” and Spock is totally insulted (but not really, they are BFFL). Then Jim gets to see happy Pike walk away with the blonde chick on Talos 4. And everyone lives happily ever after, the end!

...as you could probably tell, I was really grasping for illustrative content, and I feel kind of bad because there's not nearly as many pictures as usual. So here's one more for being such good little boys and girls during this ridiculous episode: