The Galileo Seven

Episode 16: the Galileo Seven

Netflix Summary: “Spock, Bones, Scotty, and others crash-land on a planet where they’re attacked by deadly giants. Spock risks their lives on a slim chance at rescue.” (Accuracy Rating: 9/10. Welcome back, A-Team of Netflix summarizers!)

Captain’s Log: They’re headed to drop off some important medicine to some place when they happen to pass another place that is RIPE with scientific discovery! Time to send a shuttle down with every one of Kirk’s besties on board. Our new friend Commissioner Man doesn’t like this but it’s a Quasar for heavens sake! Jim keeps saying no problem. We all know what he’s REALLY saying.

The Galileo takes off with Spock, Bones, and Scotty on board. Also several extras wearing various colors. The only Red Shirt is a girl so she’s probably safe. Suddenly the indicators go crazy! The Quasar is pulling them in and their communications are down!

On the Enterprise, they only heard the part about Galileo being out of control! None of the instruments work! Jim says finding a needle in a haystack would be child’s play compared to finding the Galileo in that mess! Commissioner Man smiles. SMILES.

Personal Log: I have found the person I’m going to want to punch all episode, and his name is Commissioner Man.

After the credits (which still do not include DEFOREST KELLEY), the Commie Man is all going on about how Jim has lost his crew. What a total jerk.  Jim says they have 2 days before they absolutely HAVE to leave. Ahura (being awesome) has found one planet that can support human life! Jim’s gonna have Sulu head that way.

Back on the now crashed Galileo, errbody needs attention from McCoy. INCLUDING ME. Blue Shirt says they were shot into the center of the Quasar. Spock asks McCoy to read the atmosphere- it’s breathable! Well, that’s convenient.

Spock is very logical and sends out two Yellow Shirts to scout. I know it’s all wrong, but there aren’t any Reds to spare on this one so we’ll just have to pretend. These guys seem to have realized that Yellow is the new Red, as they are kind of freaking out.

(I know that's a Red and not a Yellow. That's how I roll.)

McCoy asks if the Enterprise will be looking for them- Spock says they won’t be able to, and they may be stuck for a very long time. I’d like to point out that Bones is so cute when he is slouchy in a shuttle chair. Squee!

Back on the Enterprise, there’s no change. Commie is still a total jerk and Kirk is still totally awesome. He launches another shuttle.

Bones is talking to Spock about his big chance to command on logic. Spock responds logically. Inside, Scotty’s not having a whole heck of a lot of luck. They’ve lost a ton of fuel and can’t make escape velocity- also they need to lose 500 pounds. Since there is no “Biggest Loser: Quasar Edition”, Spock says that’s three whole people, and he would choose which ones. Shockingly, that doesn’t go over very well.

The Yellow Shirts on scout patrol hear noises and are, ahem, yellow. LOLS. They want to get out of there so they climb to the top of a cliff and one guy gets SPEARED RIGHT OFF THE CLIFF!

(Yes, I KNOW that’s a Red again. It just doesn't look right with Yellow. So there.)

The other guy shoots his phaser at probably nothing. When Spock and Blue Shirt arrive, Yellow Shirt says there are GIANTS! I couldn’t tell that by the ridiculously giant spear sticking out of Dead Yellow. Blue Shirt is all upset about Spock not caring about Yellow Shirt being dead.

Time to check in with the Enterprise! Jim is feeling like their efforts are futile. Shockingly, Commie is still a jerk.

McCoy has found a couple hundred pounds of stuff to get rid of, but they’re still 150 pounds short. Blue Shirt wants to have a funeral for Yellow Shirt. Spock says McCoy, you go say some words because I have to help Scotty! Everyone’s mad about that but… seems pretty reasonable to me. Then they lose whatever precious little fuel they had left!

Something’s happening outside! It’s those weird noises again! Blue and Yellow say to go attack the giants. Spock says no thanks, let’s try to scare them instead. Yellow and Blue are about to get suckerpunched if they don’t start following orders! They figure out that a group of giants is ahead of them- Spock says to shoot to the sides. Then Spock takes Blue back with him and leaves Yellow all by himself. Sucks to be you, new Red Shirt!

Back at the shuttle, Scotty has an idea BECAUSE HE’S BRILLIANT! He says he can use the phasers as an alternate fuel supply, but it won’t last long. Also, that will leave them without weapons! Spock says it doesn’t matter if they can keep orbit long because the Enterprise will have to give up searching in 24 hours.

Checkin in with the Enterprise again- looks like they’ve finally got the transporters working! Jim says luck is the only tool they have left now!

On the planet, Yellow Shirt is having a freakout fest. Also he’s having things thrown at him- AAAH HERE COMES A GIANT! Farewell, Yellow!

Spock, Bones, and Blue Shirt find out that Yellow is missing- Spock goes to find him. Blue is totally despondent and Bones is totally AWESOME.

Spock finds Yellow who is dead, shockingly. Spock proves he may have a heart after all and takes Yellow back to the shuttle. The giants start attacking!! McCoy points out that APPARENTLY they didn’t scare them off for long, boo! Spock is shocked, but Bones says they responded in a perfectly rational, emotional way. Then a giant starts banging on the shuttle with a boulder! Spock doesn’t understand why the giants arent’ being logical- he’s made logical decisions the whole time, yet two men are dead, the giants are attacking, and everyone hates him!

They need at least another hour before they can take off! What can they do??

Jim has instruments returning to normal because the ion storm is almost gone. He’s got away teams searching for his buds. Commie is SUCH A JERK. They have less than 3 hours left and their radios still don’t work. Jim says he’s going to continue the search, by candlelight if necessary, and tells Commie to keep his nose off the bridge! Also Commie’s going to take over command the second time runs out!

Spock says to use the batteries to electrify the outside of the ship! That means Scotty gets to wear fancy shiny gloves. It gets the giants to leave them alone, hooray! Spock says to lighten their load- Blue Shirt says he’s not leaving Yellow 2’s body behind without a burial. Spock says shoo, you crazy! I kind of agree. I mean, come on, Blue, let’s be a team player and try to not get everyone else killed by insane giants!

One of the Away Teams is beamed back to the ship- they were attacked by the giants! Now Jim is even more worried! Commie shows back up on the bridge and says their time is up and he’s taking over command of the ship! He tells Kirk to recall the search parties immediately and leave! NO JIM DON’T DO IT NOOOOOO YOUR BFFLS!!!

They’re all ready to go- they only have 23 minutes until the other shuttle gets back and they’ll have to leave!

The Galileo still can’t get in touch with the Enterprise. Scotty is ready for them to go. Spock gives them 10 minutes to bury Yellow #2 and then they’re leaving!

Kirk has no choice but to leave, but he’s gonna go as slowly as he possibly can! Take that, Commie Man!

Outside the shuttle, Spock gets his leg crunched by a huge rock and tells them to leave without him! They don’t, of course (BECAUSE BONES IS AWESOME). The boosters work- they’re moving!! Spock says by going after him, they may have damaged their chance at survival. Bones says “remind me to tell you that I’m sick and tired of your logic” and Spock says “that is a most illogical attitude”; both remain my absolute favorites.

Scotty says they’ve got enough for one orbit. Spock says they’ll for sure burn up after, and Scotty says “yeah but you said there are always alternatives!” The we get this little gem of Bones/Spock banter:

BEST. BFFLS. EVER.

They’ve only got about 45 minutes. Spock starts trying to contact the Enterprise but of course the radio doesn’t work. Then suddenly he gets an idea face! He jettisons their fuel and lights it on fire! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE SPOCK?? Now they only have 6 minutes before they plummet to the planet in a ball of flames!

On the Enterprise, Sulu has a confused face! They see a streak of something behind them at the planet! TURN AROUND SULU!!! OH MY STARS FOR THE LOVE OF TRIBBLES TURN AROUND AND GO BACK!!!

Scotty realizes that Spock did that fuel thing because it’s like a flare! Spock says there was no one out there to see it. Boo. Bones has a happy face because Spock’s last action was illogical and totally human. Oh Bones, I love you so much.

They’re starting to burn up, oh noes! Ahura’s got the transporters locked in- BEAM THEM UP TRANSPORTER ROOM GREAT BEAMS OF STARDUST PLEASE GET THEM!!!

…Sulu says whatever that thing was, it burned up. Sad faced Kirk is sad.

BUT WAIT, transporter room just beamed up five people, alive and well! James T. Kirk has the best “I just got my BFFLs back” face of all time, ever. 

Later, Bones is obviously telling Jim what happened. Jim of course has to troll Spock- he says “Spock, you were desperate! That’s pretty emotional, yes?” Spock says desperation was the only logical thing to do! Jim says “You’re not gonna admit that for the first time you committed a purely human, emotional act?” Spock says, “No sir”, and Jim says he’s very stubborn. Spock says, “Yes sir”, and everyone laughs! Happy times on the bridge for all!

THE END!