The Enemy Within

Episode 5: The Enemy Within

Netflix Summary: “The Enterprise transporter malfunctions and beams Kirk onboard along with his evil doppelganger. Scotty saves Kirk and his crew stranded on a frigid planet” (Accuracy rating: WhatTheWhat/10)

Welcome to another crazy adventure time with The Great Shatner! We join Kirk & Co. on a chilly planet. Some clumsy blue shirt gets himself covered in a bunch of, um, yellow stuff (cake mix? If so, yellow cake is the WORST), and it makes the transporter be all funny. Scotty doesn’t appreciate this. He tries to fix it but Kirky is all impatient to get aboard. When he does, he’s all woozy and stuff so Scotty takes him to see Dr. Awesome… I mean, McCoy.

Suddenly, an EVIL KIRK appears! You can tell he’s evil because of the lighting and music. And the excessive use of guyliner. Also, the Captain’s Log voiceover tells us he’s evil. (convenient, much?)

Down in sick bay, McCoy makes the cut on a guy’s hand MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR… with SCIENCE! Evil Kirk wants some f*** brandy!!! Bones can tell something is up. Because he’s awesome.

Spock goes to see *ahem* SHIRTLESS Real Kirk (now with towel).

...actual dialogue.

Jim tells Spock that Bones pulled a prank on him. Lolz. Bones, u so funny.

The plot thickens as Scotty tells Kirk & Spock that the crazy looking dog-thing from the planet got SPLIT INTO TWO CREATURES WHEN IT WAS BEAMED UP! One’s a nice puppy, one’s a mean puppy. They both look like bad doggy cosplay of Princess Unicorn (the hottest toy this Christmas!!).



Evil Kirk finds himself in Janice McWovenHair’s quarters and tries to get a little TOO friendly with her… look away, kids! (IS this supposed to be a family show?)

Spock and Real Kirk go to sick bay to figure out what’s going on. They just miss Evil Scratched Face Kirk! Real Kirk proves to Janey Hairton that he’s real because he has no scratches on his face.

Commander Obvious deduces that there is an imposter on board! Thanks, Spock. Thank you.

Now that they’ve figured it out, Spock & Real Kirk have to talk to Scotty. Looks like they have to leave the landing party on the planet where the temp drops to 120 below zero at night!!! They’ll turn into Starfleet Popsicles!

Real Kirk is super indecisive and Spock… notices. Jim realizes that he has lost his strength of will! He announces to the ship that there is an IMPOSTER ON BOARD and says the Evil Kirk has scratches, everybody! Look out!

Evil Kirk goes on a rampage in Kirky’s room. For some reason, there is, um, makeup in Kirky’s room?... I really don’t want to know. Ok, I do. Kirk, why do you have makeup in your room??? It’s not like he even tried to hide it- it’s right by the mirror! Srsly, people. Makeup. …Anyway, Evil Kirk uses the MAKEUP to cover up his scratches. Then he tricks a dude and gets a phaser!

Real Kirk and Spock go to find Evil Kirk using Kirk’s knowledge of… Kirk. Real Kirk doesn’t even pull out his phaser til Spock tells him to! Silly boy. The two Kirks face off and Spock neck-pinches EK before he can kill RK, 10-4?

By the way, The Great Shatner is so great.

In sick bay, Spock gets excited about being scientific. Bones gets onto him but Spock has a point- Kirkypoo can’t command without his bad side! Spock excuses himself for being insensitive, sort of. Ok, not really.

Conveniently, Evil Kirk shot out the whole transporter system when he was aiming for Real Kirk! Now the landing party is STUCK in the cold! Oh dear oh dear!

Bones discovers that Evil Kirk is dying because he’s only half a man (there’s a country song in there, somewhere. OMG- Country Music Sensation Leonard McCoy?? I think yes). Bones is so awesome and he makes Kirky feel better about himself. I love you, McCoy. I totally love you. I just do.

Scotty is also awesome, and has fixed the transporter! They’re gonna try to splice the unicorn doggy back together in it. Too bad it DIES. Good thing Bones is there to say…

Bones wants a full autopsy, but Spock thinks the doggy died because it couldn’t understand what was happening to it… which is pretty sad, actually. They have a tug of war with lame-o Real Kirk. Bones and Spock go on their way and Real Kirk tries to take Evil Kirk to the transporter. Shockingly, Evil Kirk is EVIL and takes Real Kirk’s phaser and knocks him out. Shock, shock, shock. Then he lies to Janey Hairsey that HE is the good Kirk! On the bridge, Evil Kirk says to leave orbit. Bones and Real Kirk come to the bridge! In a touching scene, Real Kirk hugs sad, scared Evil Kirk and gets him to go to the transporter. WILL IT WORK???

It totally does!!! Bones and Spock are so happies to have their besty back again!

The landing party is brought up safe & sound. You know, just exposure and frostbite. Nothing BONES can’t handle.

Back on the bridge, Kirky is WHOLE again,  yay! Everything is back to normal, and the Enterprise flies off into the stars… sunset? Starset? You know… space.

THE END