Errand of Mercy

Episode 26: Errand of Mercy

Netflix Summary: “Kirk tries to establish an outpost on a planet inhabited by seemingly primitive Organians. When Klingons attack, Organians show their true evolution.” (Accuracy Rating: Meh/10 for not sounding remotely interesting.)

SPOILER ALERT: Dr. McCoy does not appear in this episode. I know, I know, it’s enough to make you want to throw a taco through the computer screen, but please, stick with me and I promise there will be enough Kirk and Spock BFFL action to make this one worthwhile… almost. Also, here’s this:

Ok. Moving on.

On the bridge of the Enterprise, Jim and Spock are talking about the Klingons. It seems they’re gonna try to take over Organia, a primitive, peaceful planet. Those jerks!

BOOOOOOM it’s a Klingon attack!!! Return fire and fling yourselves around the bridge! Shockingly, Team Kirk wins the battle. Ahura’s got a Code 1 from Starfleet!

They’ve still got a job to do- deny Organia to the Klingons. Warp factor 7.

After the credits, they’ve made it all the way to Organia. Kirk’s leaving Sulu in command while he and Spock go on a field trip. He tells Sulu that if the Klingons show up, he’s to get the flip out of there and find some backup!

They beam down to a little medieval style town. The welcoming committee is a weirdo in a purple dress. Nice. His name is A…something. He says they don’t have anyone in authority but you can talk to the council, k? Spock’s gonna do some investigating in the village.

Kirk tells the council THE KLINGONS ARE COMING. Gee, thanks, but they don’t need Kirk’s protection and they don’t need defenses and they don’t care at all. Somehow, these people are totally immune to The Great Shatner’s charm and charisma! They’re worried about HIM and say he needs to get back to his ship.

Oh look, it’s Spock! He tells Jim this society is totally stagnant- no advancement for tens of thousands of years.

In other words, It’s ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. * ukulele solo *

I just couldn't help myself. #sorry #imnotsorry

Sulu calls down to say THE KLINGONS ARE HERE! They can’t drop the screens to beam up Kirk and Spock. Jim says get the flip out of here like I told you!

So now Jim and Spock are stranded with six male versions of Kristen Stewart in the middle of a Klingon invasion. AWESOME.

The upside is they get to dress like medieval peasants now! Kirk can be an Organian, and Spock can be a trader. Everyone else is gonna stay passive and emotionless.

Here comes Mr. Klingon of the Year himself, GENERAL KOOR. Kirk’s new Organian name is Barona. He’s a little feisty and Koor likes it, so he picks Barona Kirk to be his errand boy. They take Spock to the examination room to make sure he’s telling the truth about being a trader. Jim gives some evil eyes to the council peeps and goes too.

Personal Log: The boys are lookin pretty flippin awesome in their LEG WARMERS. What what!

After giving them rules and deciding they’re telling the truth, Koor sends Barona Kirk and Spock away. They get a little bffl chat and Spock has to keep Kirk from fighting Klingons in the street (more than once). Oh, Kirk, you’re such a hothead! They think maybe they should do a little… communicating. By the munitions dump. At night.

Basically, they cause an XXL Mythbusters-Approved, Michael Bay Budget-Sized, Sonic Grenade-Induced SUPER ‘SPLOSION.

Yup, there was definitely an American involved in that!

In the council chambers, Asomething is all disapproving of the splosion. Everyone is, actually. Kirk gives a really stirring speech- too bad Koor is listening in. Nice.

He comes for Barona Kirk and says he is disgusted by Asomething. Koor’s gonna use the brain scanny thingy on Barona, so Asomething tells him it’s JAMES T. KIRK. Well, cripes, Asomething, you’re a total jerk! Kirk says he has no desire to die for the likes of ORGANIANS.

In Koor’s office, he tells Kirk he admires him. They’re the two tigers on a planet of sheep (I CALL BAND NAME!).

Koor wants to know about Starfleet… Kirk says GO CLIMB A TREE. Koor says he’s gonna kill Spock and turn Kirk into a veg if he doesn’t start talking. Then he gives Kirk 12 hours.

Personal Log: Really, Koor? REALLY? You’re a general of the most vicious race in the universe and you’re going to give your extremely famous adversary 12 hours to think of an escape plan? REALLY???

They put Jim in the dungeon with Spock. There’s no way out! Except, apparently, for Asomething rescuing them. Well, that was nice of him. Weirdo.

Koor comes over the loudspeaker and says my prisoners better get back! Also, I just killed 200 peoples. The council guys don’t even react! What is the DEAL with these dudes anyway? Kirk gets his phasers back and says you guys make me sick, but we’re gonna go out and die anyway so MAYBE you’ll get the point, LOSERS.

Personal Log: After that scene, I’m seriously considering the possibility that there is a real planet called Organia, and Kristen Stewart is from it.

Kirk and Spock leave to storm the castle, and the council goes all zen like they’re gonna do something other than stare blankly at the wall. Frankly, I’m not holding out much hope.

BOOM the dream team makes it to Koor’s office. He tells them the Federation fleet is on its way. So is the Klingon fleet. He’s pretty sure the Klingons are gonna win.

Also, someone is always watching… aw, cripes, here come GUYS!

OUCH! Everyones’ weapons are super hot! They can’t even touch each other! On the Enterprise, everyone’s jumpin’ around- Sulu calls Kirk and says all the buttons are hot, too! The Council comes in and says sorry, y’all, but we had to stop you because violence is never the answer (Pay attention, kids. Also, stay in school and stuff).

Kirk and Koor both get mad at Asomething for stopping their war and start yelling at each other.

The council says Organians can’t die and we can stop you all from warring, so there. Also, get the flip off our planet- all these physical bodies are harshing our mellow. Then they turn into lights and float away!

Kirk and Koor part ways as frenemies and there’s not going to be a war, obviously.

Later on the Enterprise, Jim tells Spock that he’s embarrassed about his behavior in front of the Organians. Spock is very comforting and bffl. Oh, you two!

THE END!