The Devil in the Dark

Episode 25: The Devil in the Dark

Netflix Summary: “When a monster kills several men at a mining colony, Kirk and Spock investigate. Spock learns the odd creature is intelligent, with a valid motive.” (Accuracy Rating: 10/10! I’m totally impressed!!! Although, no mention of McCoy. -1)

You know you’re in for a treat when the episode starts with danger music, caves, and jumpsuit people. These jumpsuit people are scared of some murdering thing.

Schmidder (ya, rly) is all “the monster is gonna get me!” and the chief is all “too bad suckaaaah”. Also, the Enterprise is on its way, WOOT. The other jumpsuits walk away and Schmidder the Mining Red Shirt gets seared to a crisp.

Personal Log: I have a feeling the writer of this episode had a personal vendetta against a real person named “Schmidder”. I mean, come on- that’s not a name you think up on your own!

(Personal Log.2: I need to make a list of people I have a personal vendetta against, so I can kill them off when I write an episode for a science fiction show.)

The Enterprise shows up and Kirk, Spock, and BONES YAAAAAAY beam down to meet their new friend, the Mining Chief. Apparently the monster started attacking when they opened a new level a couple months ago, and it’s moving toward the surface!

They kept what’s left of Schmidder for McCoy to look at because he’s the best lumber trucking doctor in the galaxy, and don’t you forget it!

Kirk and Spock make another new friend named Ed. He saw the monster and shot it with his phaser- it didn’t even slow down!

Personal Log: Ed is in a PURPLE jumpsuit. NOICE.

Spock finds a pretty purple ball. It’s a silicon nodule or something. Chief and Ed leave and McCoy comes back. He says Schmidder was acid-ed to death!

Down at the Power Reactor, Johnny Jumsuit hears something rocky and BLAAAAAAAAAARH he’s burninated too!!!

Personal Log: I just got an idea of what the monster could be…

Or maybe…

Yeah, one of those. DEFINITELY.

The main circulating pump is GONE! Aw, cripes.

Jim gets Scotty to start working on some kind of ghetto-rig (just put some duct tape on it! …duck tape? Dutch tape?...). Then he tells Chief to CHILL THE FLIP OUT ALREADY!

Spock speculates that the creature is smart and is doing things for a reason. Also, if the monster is made of silicon, phaser #1 wouldn’t work on it! Bones informs us that silicone based life is impossible… but it’s all they’ve got, so there.

Also, it’s time to get some Red Shirts down there- we don’t want our heroes to be in danger.

Also also, Spock is fascinated with that purple ball… rock… thing. He thinks maybe it’s important, but he’s already given Dr. McCoy enough to amuse him for awhile. Lols.

Jim goes to check on Scotty- his rig can only hold for a bit. Kiss it, flatter it, whatevs, just make it work!

Back in Chief’s office, they’ve gathered about a dozen Red Shirts. That oughta do it. Just to be safe, how about we send them all down to the place the monster was discovered and have everyone else stay topside.

Let’s all pay our respects to those Reds who are inevitably in their final moments on this earth.

Jim and Spock are also on the scavenger hunt in the caves. Spock’s tricorder has some traces of a siclicone life form!

Aaaaand there goes Red Shirt #1.

Kirk and Spock are right on the scene and The Great Shatner has a pitiful “my poor Red Shirt” face. Spock found a tunnel that was JUST MADE!... AAAAARGH IT’S THE MONSTER!!! SHOOT IT!!!!

They do, and it moves through the rock like we move through AIR!

…how poetic.

Looks like they blasted a chunk right off it! Spock sums up for those of us who were distracted by our lunches. Wait, that was just me? Oh. Thanks, Spock.

Kirk tells Captain Red Shirt to make sure everyone is even more scared careful, because now the dangerous animal is wounded. Awesome.

Spock figures out that there is only one of those creatures within 100 miles! He says that makes this the last of it’s kind and they shouldn’t kill it. Jim is having none of that, thank you.

Time to regroup with the Dead Shirts… I mean, Red Shirts. Let’s try to surround the thing and KILL IT. When the reds leave, Jim says no more talk of capturing, got it, Spock? Also, go back and help Scotty. Spock has a dejected face. Don’t send him away, Jim! He doesn’t (logic wins again!).

…but please stay out of trouble, Mr. Spock.

Also, Scotty’s rig just gave up the ghost. Kirk says evacuate everyone but Chief tells him some jumpsuits are gonna stay, so there!

Jim and Spock come to a fork (don’t worry, the two tunnels meet back up later). I know- let’s split up!

Personal Log: What is this, Scooby Doo? DO NOT SPLIT UP SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPENS!

Oh, look who’s right, as usual.

Jim finds a whole lair with hundreds of those purple balls. He calls Spock to tell him and, cripes, there’s a cave in! Jim’s ok, so they’re gonna meet down at the end of the tunnels.

Then CRIPES the wall melts away in front of Jim- it’s the MONSTER!

Personal Log: The Great Shatner’s scared face is the best scared face of ANY SCARED FACE OF ALL TIME, EVER.

Jim points his phaser at it and it backs off. Why, look at that- it’s scared of the phaser!

Spock calls Jim to say the creature is in this area. Thank you, Captain Obvious! Spock says KILL IT - Wait, didn’t Spock want to capture it? Not if Jim could die, of course!

Jim has a seat and the thing turns around to show him the booboo it got earlier. Poor monster thing!

It’s Spock! Come on over, Mr. Spock. Meet our new friend! I’m calling her Hortense. This is what she looks like:

 Just without, you know, the cuteness.

Spock says maybe he can Vulcan mind meld Hortense. Jim says pls to try, bffl?

Personal Log: Only Mr. Nimoy Himself could be so awesome as to act like he’s communicating the thoughts of a rock monster. You go, Mr. Nimoy!

Hortense is in pain! You mean, mean boys, you hurt her! Hortense writes “no kill I” in the rock. So, don’t kill her, or she won’t kill you? That is an extremely important grammatical point to make, Hortense, and I think you should be capable of it after 37 seconds of contact with humanoids.

Spock says Hortense is extremely intelligent. Also, she’s a Horta (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?).

If they’re going to get the machine part thingy they need, they’ll have to win her confidence. This is also known as CALLING DR. FLIPPING BONES MCCOY. Spock seems to think McCoy can’t help as this is a silicon based creature, but I punch him in his face and he backs right off.

Kirk gets in touch with Captain Red Shirt, who says Chief and the gang are all restless. Kirk says DO NOT let the jumpsuits through.

IT’S BONES YAAAAAY! Jim tells him to help Hortense. Bones does a scan- that thing is made out of stone! He’s a doctor, not a bricklayer!

Jim says just DO IT OK! Also, Spock, tell it we’re trying to help- where’s the thingy we need to fix the reactor? Jim follows the directions and finds the machine part thingy, along with lots of broken purple nodule things.

Oh, and there’s some unrest further up the tunnel. Seems the jumpsuits want to get through. Captain Red is all Gandalf on them and they stay put.

Jim gets back to Spock and has him un-mindmeld. He shows him the broken ball- it’s an EGG! They’re ALL eggs! They’re about to hatch! That poor horta, she was just protecting her babies!

Aaaand the jumpsuits clobber the Red Shirts and come running down the tunnel. Way to be completely useless, Red Shirts. Why do we even keep you around? Oh, right.

Jim says the first man that fires at Hortense is DEAD! That thing killed 50 of Chief’s men! Well, you killed thousands of her kids, so you can just SHUT IT. Spock tells them that every few thousand years all but one horta dies and she raises the next bazillion of them. Apparently they’re very sweet, like hedgehogs.

Martin Freeman, is that you??

Kirk proposes a truce- the horta tunnel, the miners collect. More money for everyone, plus a billion cute little pets.

Also, Bones healed Hortense! He's very proud of himself!

 And Spock finds the horta’s logical mind to be curiously refreshing. Basically, everybody wins. Yay!

Back on the ship, they get in touch with Chief before they leave. He says the eggs are hatching and they’re all going to be RICH!!

Also, the horta’s aren’t so bad when you get over how ugly they are. Spock says the horta said the same thing about humanoids… but she did like his ears. Jim and Bones don’t believe him. Jim says you’re becoming more and more human all the time. Spock sees no reason to stand there and be insulted, lols!

BFFL-Ometer at maximum and Warp Factor 2, Mr. Sulu!

THE END!