Netflix summary: “The Enterprise crew is stalked by a shape-shifting creature that fatally drains the salt out of humans for its survival. When the monster is unintentionally brought aboard, McCoy makes a heart breaking decision to ensure his shipmates survival.” (Accuracy rating: 7/10)
I have a confession to make: Dr. McCoy is my Mr. Favey Fave from Favetown, Favoritania. Sure, I love all the characters equally, but Bones is my favorite (if that bothers Captain Kirk, I’ll pay for his therapy). Imagine my delight on seeing that the first ever aired episode is all about him! Hooray! *pre-episode dance party!*
Dance party over. On to the show.
Bones, Kirk, and a blue shirt (there are no red shirts… it’s confusing, and I don’t know how to feel about it) beam down to a planet to visit the doctor’s ex (and her husband… awkward…). When she walks in, Bones sees her as she was ten years ago, Kirk sees an old lady, and blue shirt sees a hot blonde (Jinkies! The mystery deepens!). Her hubby is a crankypants who wants everyone to leave. Also salt. Bones is bonesy and Kirk is kirky and of course they get their way. Just as Cranky McCrankerson is getting Weirdie McWierdieton, there’s a SCREAM!
… and the blue shirt is dead! With hickies all over his face! Silly boy, he ate a poisonous plant!
Side note here: There are no red shirts today! How am I supposed to know who not to become emotionally attached to? Everyone has names and there are no red shirts, so I made one because I need stability.
P.S. Dr. Mccoy is concerned about his lovey’s sudden aging, and she is concerned about salt.
Back on the ship, Ahura chastises Spock for being logical, which seems pretty illogical, and Jim is mad because Dr. McCoy doesn’t know what killed Blue Shirt. He’ll probably apologize later (UPDATE: He does- I think it took, like, 3 ½ minutes). Being awesome, Bones figures out that there’s no salt left in the dead Blue Shirt! Wait, didn’t both Mr. and Mrs. Crazy ask for salt? They SO did! Back to the planet we go…
Kirk: “Yellow Shirt and Blue Shirt, go find Mrs. Crazy.” They do. She kills them. Also Kirk wants to take the Crazies up to the ship. There’s no way this could end badly.
During the search for the missing non-red shirts, we get the first ever “He’s dead, Jim”. While Jim is reveling in the awesome that is Dr. McCoy, he misses seeing Mrs. Crazy turn into the dead Yellow Shirt! Now she’s on the Enterprise IN DISGUISE! (dun dun duuuuuuun)
There’s lots of Mrs. Crazy dressed as Yellow Shirt acting creepy and weirding out EVERYONE (including a pre-navigator Mr. Sulu!).
Bones is worried because they can’t find Mrs. Crazy on the planet. Jim wants him to take drugs to sleep. Good thing Mrs. Crazy turns back into Mrs. Crazy and goes to see him before he does! Wait… he still does. Now Bones is on drugs and Mrs. Crazy is in his room! No, wait, Mrs. Crazy is BONES!
Back on the planet, Kirk and Spock try to get some information out of Mr. Crazy. He acts crazy, and they figure out that Mrs. Crazy isn’t Mrs. Crazy at all- she’s a MONSTER! Sudden but inevitable plot twist!
Kirky holds a meeting in the conference room, where Monster Bones and Mr. Crazy act super wacko. Spock goes with both of them and gets a green bump on the head, but Mr. Crazy is DEAD! Mrs. Crazy turns back into Mrs. Crazy and tries to get Bones to help her- oh no! Jim has a phaser! Oh no! Mrs. Crazy attacks Jim! Oh no, Bones has to choose! But he can’t! Spock tries to make him choose by beating up Mrs. Crazy! Bones decides that she’s not Mrs. Crazy and she turns into a MONSTER with tentacle fingers! Bones shoots her! Jim is saved!
THE END
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